WHAT ABOUT PİTY?
Nowadays, I am reading an interesting book named '' the women chance the history''. It is so interesting and consists of many women from Hürrem Sultan to Queen Elizabeth. You can not help yourself shocking because they are so clever, so talented some of them really good people who rise their states to the top from bottom, some of them so passionate to rule the empire, kingdom and whatever regime you can think that they even kill their sons, their husbands and some of them even marry with two kings. They highlight the power of women should not underestimated but one of them is really shocking for her cruelty. Her name is Elizabeth BATHORY. The queen of Transylvania.
Historical books say that she is impressed by an event that happened in her early ages. Her uncles ordered a man to punish an guilty by putting the guilty into a horses stomach by disembowel it and both quilty and horse die with incredible pains and screams. This is possible because her kins were crazy and risen up in an environment like this, she becomes one of the pitiless people that the world have ever seen.
She loved torturing, especially to peasant girls. She would punish them sincerely and one day one of her servants hurts her hair by mistake and she slaps so hard that the girl's noise starts to blooding and a little blood comes to her face and then, she recognizes that she is becoming young thanks to the blood and then the evets that cause the start of wampire tales start. From this time, she starts to kill young peasant girls and have shower with their blood. At the end, she founds guilty and according to the records she killed 650 girls. When I read the story I could not help myself shocking and think about how human kind could be that much merciless. It reminds me the saying ''Every think is possible.''
**** BATHORY.The queen => fragment
YanıtlaSil**** and both quilty and horse => spelling
**** the evets that => spelling
**** of wampire tales => spelling
**** she founds guilty => incorrect verb tense
****''Every think is => spelling
Dear Mizgin,
I really enjoyed reading your journal entry. Actually, at first I thought the topic was boring but after I read it, my thoughts completely differed. The topic is quite different and interesting. I learned new things. Elizabeth Bathory was really cruel. I didn’t know that she had shower with girls’ blood cruelly. It is interesting. I like the content of your journal so much. As you gave examples from the book, it became better. There is no unrelated information. Also the organization of your paragraph is quite good. However, there are some little mistakes. I think you need to work on spelling. I understood what you mean by saying “Bathory. The queen”, but you can correct it by using different punctuation I think. Also you have to decide which tense you want to use by saying “she founds”. Simple past or present? But these mistakes are inadvertent. All in all, I really like your journal. Good job. Congratulations! :) :)
Thank you for your comments about my journal =) I wrote my sentences in a bad way because of my deficiency on computer =)
Sil